Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Standing Still

Ever feel like everything and everyone around you is moving in hyper speed and you're in the middle just staring, watching everyone move, while you stand completely still. So completely still that you almost feel like you're moving backwards?
 
I don't get serious too much here on my blog. And honestly, I'm not even sure I'm capable of it, so we'll just see how this goes. This isn't a planned post. I'm actually sitting here, in bed, watching Gilmore Girls.. which may be what prompted this post to begin with. That, and the fact that last night I was in the grumpiest of grumpy moods and actually wanted to drive to McDonalds at 11pm just to get a milkshake.
 
Maybe it's the season, but do you notice every single person and their mother is getting engaged? Literally- in the past couple months I have been preparing for 2 friends weddings, a cousin, my sister, drews mom, and just recently, drews sister. Am I ready to get engaged? Yes. No. Maybe. I really don't know. I don't know if that's what I really want or if I want it just because everyone else is getting it. When I know, I'll know. That's not why I'm upset. It's just one thing that I think will help me get where I want to be. I know it's not the answer but I can't help but sometimes think that.
 
After living on my own and going to college for 4 years then graduating with honors (I added that simply because my job does not even require a degree), it feels kind of lame to still be living with my parents 1.5 years after graduating. Sure, I have a job but I feel very discouraged, walked all over, and quite frankly- underappreciated. Some days are great, I love working with most of the people, but lately it's just been one thing after another and it's all adding up to the point where I am not happy. I actually told Drew last night to stop asking how my day was because I was sick of having to just shrug my shoulders. Who am I? I don't want to be that negative unhappy girl.. but it's causing me to. It's not what I love. But it's what works at the moment. It's what provides me with the pay checks I will need to buy a new car, to move out, to move on with my life as an adult.
 
Growing up. I have always hated growing up. I wanted to be just like Peter Pan and live in never never land forever. Now, for some reason, I want to grow up. I want to decorate a home, cook delicious meals that I can pair with a nice glass of wine, sit on a couch and watch tv instead of being couped up in my room, and I just want to be able to feel adult.. feel my age.. not feel like a child.
And yes, I want to do this with Drew.
 
I am stuck at a standstill.. while the world spins all around me.
I know I'm not the only one. But this is my rant.
And man, do I feel better.
On that note, I know I need to appreciate every single little thing that I have. I am blessed beyond words and I need to sit back and just thank God I am where I am. It could be 97398 times worse. I like to think that he understands we sometimes need to get things off our chests. We can thank Eve for these types of feelings. Crazy female.

 
And lookie there- a totally serious post. I didn't crack a single joke.
How adult of me!

9 comments:

  1. This is my life right now too, in a lot of ways. I have all these hopes and plans and ambitions and yet... Nothing is happening. Or at least not happening/moving fast enough. All we can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep the faith.

    Hugs friend!

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